We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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