YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
