life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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