I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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