just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
