Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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