so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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