glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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