Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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