The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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