Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
