remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You're earring is so big in my mouth
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
