He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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