Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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