That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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