Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
