i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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