we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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