I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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