I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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