Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
