I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We left the knife in your bed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
