This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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