It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
