And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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