I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
