normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
