He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
