hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
