Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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