Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
