It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Boobs speak an international language.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize