have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
