theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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