I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
