The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i believe in u and ur pee
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
