Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
