YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
