I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
