OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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