he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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