we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
