Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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