I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
