i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
