she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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