hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
