New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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