1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
