i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
