hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
