It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
