ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
