I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
