he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have fence marks all over my body
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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