Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
