he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize