did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
