I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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