I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
