doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
