I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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