so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
