when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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