So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
